That Time When I Found a Man Sleeping in My Bed
And other stories of bad guest behaviour...
My reincarnated cat, Max, has found his way back to the family homestead.
Max was the jet-black beauty we had when I was in high school (we also had a grey Persian puffball named Fluffy, but her spirit has yet to reappear. She didn’t like Max, so that may be the reason. Carlos, the tuxedo cat, who was kindof an asshole if I’m being honest, has also stayed silent on the paranormal front. While I’m listing the Henderson felines, I should include Stella, who my sister found on the street coming home from the bar when we were in university. Stella lived with me in my house for 18 years until her untimely demise. She didn’t live at my parents’ house, so there’s no reason for her ghost to appear there, but it would be exclusionary and rude not to mention her whilst listing the rest of the animals.)
Anyway, Max 2 has come back the the Henderson fold.
Welcome to Quaintrelle, a weekly newsletter written by me, journalist-turned-sommelier and party host, Erin Henderson.
Would you be so kind as to click that little heart above?❤️
Here, I share my my insights from decades of working in hospitality to bring back stylish, laid-back and stress free hosting.
Won’t you join us?
I was talking with my mum on FaceTime a few summers ago. Sitting at the desk in her office, she stopped mid sentence, looked behind her, turned back to the camera and said, “a cat just walked by.” Then, unfazed, carried on about what she was making for dinner that night.
The thing was, by this time, all the cats in my family were dead. When my ma bid adieu to her last one (Carlos – the asshole), she said she didn’t have the heart to go through that kind of loss again, and has stayed voluntarily cat-free, which will please some in the US government, I’m sure.
So when she saw a little black cat strolling through her house like he paid the bills, it was of note, but my ma being a cat lady, not one of particular concern.
Max 2 had let himself in through the screen door, hooking his claws through the mesh to pull it open. (If I did something of similar nature, there would be hell to pay, but this guy could literally poop on my mum’s pillow and all would be all alright in the world. I digress.) Not only did he let himself in, he knew exactly where things were, and completely comfortable with my mum and dad. Neither skittish nor excited. Just sort of … familiar. As in: have a snooze in my dad’s spot on the couch and lazily open one eye when someone walks into the room, utterly unconcerned. Like he’d lived there forever. Or, should I say, before.
So now Max 2 is a regular at my parents’ house. He has a collar, good weight and a lovely coat, which suggests he already has a family that loves him, but he regularly comes over, lets himself in, and hangs out for the day. He watches General Hospital with my ma, naps on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor during the heat of summer, sniffs through the garden… and, much to my mother’s consternation, reclines on the kitchen counters. She’s talked to him about this, but he refuses to listen.
So today, in honour of the holidays and Max 2 and his dedication to the verboten counter top, I thought I would share some festive stories of guests behaving badly.
Hopefully this will serve as a warning.
Alright, my loves, we go behind the paywall now.
I’m spilling the tea and naming names, so to reduce my chances of getting sued I need to at least pretend to care about privacy. Not that these outrageous souls deserve any.
If you’d like to hear the story of the strange man in my bed (uninvited!), a woman who threw up during a wedding toast, or the outcome of someone who got so wasted at a company party she passed out in a locked bathroom stall and the fire department had to be called, you are welcome to join us for only $6 CDN a month. If you deal in US dollars, Euros or Pounds, gosh, I’m basically giving this away.
And, if upgrading is not a possibility right now, please know I am grateful to have you here no matter how you subscribe. Please join us on the weekend for a free read on ideas for hostess gifts and stocking stuffers.